Right Now

So in May I'm aiming to blog everyday and use Cate's prompts as a guide.

Today's prompt is right now... I did intend to get photo's over everyone today for this post but that's not going to happen because it's all systems go straight after school for soccer training and then when we get home it's straight into the dinner, bath and bed routine.

So here goes.


Me and B- B doesn't really like me talking about him here on the blog so I thought I'd lump him in with me. He's tired and working A LOT lately which means I'm tired from picking up the slack at home. But this is just a season and we will get through it. We are also busy finishing up the shed we are building and doing the back yard up which means that pretty much any 'spare' time B has is spent outside building, fixing and gardening.

C- His confidence is growing and he is really enjoying school this year. He is looking forward to the school sports carvinal at the end of this term.

M- she received a merit certificate at school yesterday and is really proud about that.

E- He is counting down until his birth that is 2 months away. He tells me that 2 months is too long.

D- is a really happy chappy at the moment and he vocalising a lot lately which is pretty dang cute.

What's happening with you right now?

On blogging

I was reminded last week about why I started this blog. It was as simple as the trawling through my archives and the kids getting excited about seeing old photo's of themselves. They were excited beyond belief that they were seeing old photo's and hearing stories about what was happening in our lives at that time.

It's the same for me when I stumble across an old craft project and remember the process of making it. For a while I had been questioning whether I should keep Actually Amy up and running. Truthfully, I had lost my passion for this space a long time ago. All my blogging headspace was being taken up by And Sew We Craft and all other headspace was being occupied by my kids. I was simply running out of time and the desire to blog here.

But then that changed this week. Seeing my kids smile whilst reading about themselves was the kick up the bum I needed to keep going so that Darcy can enjoy the same thing that his older siblings do.

Now just to keep the blogging mojo alive.

Wish me luck!

Stitching is good for the soul

I've been one great big ball of stress and tension this last few weeks. I can feel it in my head, neck and right down to my soul.

I've been short with the kids and just a big ball of cranky. We have a lot going on at the moment and that is contributing to my moods. But what has been calming me down is being creative.

It always does. But this is a new way of being creative for me, I am only knew to stitching.

I have been working on my kits that I bought myself back in January..

The act of stitching is calming, it's slow, repetitive. Up, down. In and out. It's slows my mind and calms my thoughts.

It's just perfect for me at the moment.

What calms you down and clears you head?

Moving On.

Have you ever lived in a small town? Did you grow up in one place and still live there until your mid to late twenties? Will I did. I still live here, and I have been wanting to move on for, well years. If you meet someone here 9 times out of 10, they will know something about you or one of your family members. But the thing is, what they know and what is true are often two completely different things.

That is how I feel living here, only a handful of people actually know me, others think they do by what others have told them. So that is why I am looking at our big move as one great big adventure. As a way to show the kids other parts of Australia and hopefully the world.

There are people that are not keen on us moving. I hope that they can become more supportive of us as time goes on. I hope that they realise that this isn't a decision we have made lightly, but one where we have looked at both the positives and the negatives. We are doing this to put ourselves in a better financial position in the future.

Yes, you might know someone who made a move like this and our now worse of financially. But they are not us. You don't know if they had the same goals as us.

We are not doing it to get away from anyone. But are doing it for the experience. Both in regards to B's career and our personal experiences. I hope they begin to see it like we do.

Yes the place we are moving to is small and isolated, but if you have never been there you really have no grounds for comment.

How to you handle other peoples criticisms of your decisions?

So much to do, don't know where to start...

 

Source: holykaw.alltop.com via Ron on Pinterest

You know when you have a massive amount of things to do, but you just don't know where to start?

Well that is me at the moment. Before we leave (well before B leaves) we have to rip out and replace all the carpets in our house and repaint. We have to replace our oven, clean up that gardens and well do a load of other things.

Our to do list fills more than 1 A4 sheet of paper. It is overwhelming.

That is on top of the everyday things we have to get through and the fact that B is still working until the 19th. He flies out on the 2nd of November (and takes all our stuff with him), those two weeks in between are going to be busy, but I always want to make sure we have some family time in there as we don't fly over until the 15th of December. That means we will be apart for 7 weeks!

And now I am procrasting by writing this rambling post.

I better go sort out a wardrobe...

Do you have that problem when you are so busy that you just don't know where to start? 

A to-do list

Last week was pretty much a write off, spent at hospitals and in GP offices for B's nose, but now that it has been repaired things should be getting back to normal here, so I have to get the jobs I was supposed to do last week done and then work on this weeks list.

So my list looks like this:

• Complete blog posts for others as promised
• Mop and vacuum all floors
• Clean windows- I don't know why I do this because they will be dirty again in 0.05 of a second, but they need done
• Finish piecing my tweet tweet quilt top- I am about half way through
• Finish piecing my Summer House quilt top- This one will take longer than the above
• Complete meal plan for the month
• Re-do budget due to B switching to monthly pays
• Clean craft space- It is horrid at the moment
• Finish Mahli's Kina cardigan
• The never ending pile of washing!
• Bake for school lunches
• Plan Ethans birthday party

What does yours look like?

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Pressure

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I put so much pressure on myself to get things done, to get things right. And then I beat myself up so so much when things don't work out the way I had planned.

I have talked a lot lately about how I am just not coping with things. I do good at hiding it from those around me though. B has no idea just how far I have slid...

The unknown of everything around me is just doing my head in. I went to the doctors the other day to have a chat about my PCOS and the possibility of try to conceive sooner rather than later. We discussed my options and have scaled back some of the medication and am going to cease the pill in the next few months. But I am scared that the scaling back of the other medication is going to make my symptoms worse. I had really bad cystic acne a few months ago, it was painful and humiliating. I am scared that it is going to come back.

One of the reasons that I have been hiding my fears and just how much I am not coping from B is because he was hesitant to have another child because of my post natal depression. He never wants me to go back to the place that I was in. And I don't either...

There is a lot I can't talk about here, it involves other people. And that makes it hard for me too. There I things I need to say, but I can't. Things I want to say, but I worry about how others will perceive them.

You can probably tell from this post that I can't get my head straight, because my words probably don't make much sense. But as I type this I am starting to see what I need to do and where I need to go to from here.

Finding our rhythm

rhythm   [rith-uhm] 

noun
 

movement or procedure with uniform or patterned recurrence of a beat, accent, or the like.

 

image source

Our home has none at the moment, I am grappling to complete tasks, I am struggling to manage the kids behaviour... They are only behaving this way because of me though. I know that if I just pulled my socks up and got my sh*t together everyone would be happier. 

 

Everything is in limbo at the moment, B's work, my work, my treatment plan for PCOS... I don't function well with to many unknowns in my life. 

 

I need rhythm and routine just as much as the kids do. 

 

So that is what is going to happen. I am going to be playing around with a few things over the next few weeks to try and figure out what works for us. But our morning routine needs a shake up. I think I am going to have to get up at 5am when B leaves and get my coffee and breakfast over and done with before the kids get up. 

 

Do you get up before the kids? I am up at 6am with Caden every morning, but I think I need a head start on him and the day. 

 

Do you have a family rhythm or routine? Or do you work best when winging it? 

 

 

Finding balance

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I know some of you hate the word balance along with the metaphorical juggling act, but that is probably the best way to describe what is happening here at the moment.

I simply have no balance and have dropped all my balls. The washing is out of control, I am behind in everything AND I start work again next week, so all of this is making me a little stressed. I know we will get there and I know everything will be fine, but it is still stressing me out.

B's work is still up in the air. He has been in a relief position since February, but it is no longer a relief position any more as the person he was relieving has another position with the company. So being in limbo is making it all the more hard to cope with the changes that are happening here. I don't know if I have to find more or less care for the kids while I am work as we don't know if B will stay on day work or go back to day/night shifts... 

Sorry for the brain dump, I just needed to get this out.

Do you cope with change well? Or dealing with the unknown?

Hopefully we will find out what is happening with B's work soon so we can have some kind of stability.

Okay, rambling over... for now.

Sinking

This week has just been a long long week and I have felt like I have been chasing my tail the whole time. If you walked into my house at the moment you would probably declare it a bio-hazard and high tail it out of here quick smart.

I just can't seem to say on top of things at the moment and it has a flow on effect to my moods. Really the house looks how my head feels.  This week didn't start off well with my return to work discussions and then B ended up working some really long days which seen him come home and fall asleep pretty much instantly so I haven't been able to talk to him about any of the 'stuff' that is going on.

I am also almost at the end of my first 3 months of treatment for PCOS. Some things have improved, but some not so much. I am due to go back to the doctors in 2 weeks so we can re-asses some things, but again I want to talk to B about it all and we just haven't been able to get any down time to actually talk about it all.

Hopefully the weekend brings us all some rest and relaxation so I can start next week off with a better frame of mind.

How to cope when you fell like you just can't keep your head above water? (You do feel like that occasionally, right?! It is completely normal???)

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D-Day

This image has nothing to do with this post, peonies just make me happy!

So tomorrow is D-Day for when I have to confirm with work my intentions once my maternity leave ends next month. I have been working a bit lately, but that has just been casual work whilst I have been on maternity leave, nothing over 14 hours a week, usually only doing 8-10 hours.

I went to work yesterday and worked from 730-530 and when I got home the kids told me I was in trouble for working so long. It seems I'm not the only one struggling with the fact that I will be returning to work permanently again soon. The two eldest have told me that they miss me too much when I am gone and that I am not allowed to work...

Good one kids, you sure do know how to pull on your Mothers heart strings now don't you?!

So, there seems to be two options that I need to choose from:

1. Do I want to not have to worry about and plan for bills and increase our savings faster? or
2. Do I want to continue to budget and plan down to the last cent of our income, whilst stay home and being accessible to the kids 100% of the time?

What would you choose? And don't worry, I know you can't answer it for me, I just needed to type these thoughts out in an effort to make them clearer in my mind...


{image via here}

Why I do reviews and giveaways

There is always a little mumble going on in the blogosphere about whether people love or hate reviews,  giveaways and advertising on blogs. Today I wanted to share why I choose to do them.

First off, I just want to say why I do blog. I blog for connection to the world outside my role as a (mostly) stay at home Mum. It can get pretty lonely at home day in, day out, with only children 5 years old and under to talk to. Also until very recently, B worked a rotating day/night roster which meant many a nights where I just couldn't sleep and I ended up turning to blogs to feel connected to people outside of my home. That is where the seed was planted for me to start my own.

My blog is also a place for me to share what I am sewing, baking, making and thinking. I did not start blogging to make money or receive free stuff. I didn't even know you could actually make anything or receive anything for blogging until a few months after starting this blog. And you know what, the little bit of money and 'free' stuff has meant that I haven't had to return to work in the same capacity that I did before I had Ethan. 

Sure I don't make a motza from this gig, but a couple of bucks a week to share my inane ramblings is better than nothing. It doesn't devalue what I have to say, everything written here is my opinion, thoughts and I stand behind it 100%. Sure there was the time I wrote about some Vaseline Moisturiser and then thought why the hell am I writing this. The product costs less then $10, my time and yours is more valuable than that and from then on I have changed my rules. I still stand by what I wrote in the review, but if I had my time over, I wouldn't write it again.

I will continue to review DVDs, magazine, households items and anything else that I think I might find useful in my home and that I think you could too. I hope to be able to run giveaways along side most reviews so that I can give you a chance to win something. It is a way for me to say thank you for the time you spend reading and commenting here.

I will also continue to run advertising on the blog. I know this seems to be a bug bear with some people, but again, I really don't see how it detracts from anything else here. This is my blog and these are my words. No advertising will change that.

Does that make sense?

So do you like or loathe advertising, reviews and giveaways on blogs? Please be honest, I would love to know your thoughts and opinions.

I am linking up with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.

Where has the last 20 months gone?

 On Friday night we moved Ethan into a 'big' bed. I had been thinking about it for a few weeks, but I finally bit the bullet and just did it.

It all started because Caden had decided he didn't want bunk beds anymore. He had been asking for the last month to take the top bunk off and B finally did it, but since his bedroom isn't big enough for two beds we had to find somewhere to put the bed from the top bunk.

We could have put it in the shed, but I wasn't really keen on pulling it all apart to store it only to pull it out again in the next few months to move Ethan into it. So on Friday when Mahli was with my Mum and Caden was at school Ethan and I navigated the cot out of his bedroom and the bed in. It was no easy feet as Ethans bedroom is at the end of hallway to the right of our bedroom so it is in a weird corner.

After 20 minutes or so it was in, and I may or may not of hit the fan with the bed when I had to stand it up on one end to get it in the room.

Ethan was so excited to be in his big bed. And the bonus is since it was the top bunk it has rails on both sides so it is kind of like a big cot. He has slept well the last two nights (touch wood) and still waits for us to get him out of bed in the morning.

The last 20ish months have gone so fast and he is turning into a real little man, and I don't know if I like it. It seems like only yesterday that he was born.

  

They really do grow up way to fast! 

Brain Dump

I am having one of those days. A teary kind of day. I just feel overwhelmed with everything and I have a thousand thoughts going through my head.

The day started off okay, then as I was driving the kids to school the stupid radio announcer started talking about a lady he met yesterday. He started by saying that he had a lovely chat with her, but couldn't keep his eyes of something. His female co-host said, what her breasts? He said no, nothing like that. He than went on to say that she was in her late 20's and had a beard... Not just a stray hair here or there, but a beard.

Now this subject is touchy for me, especially at the moment. With the PCOS diagnosis so clear in my mind, I now have a reason for my 'beard', and my daily plucking regime. But I am always concise of my chin and the fact that I have hair where there just isn't supposed to be on a women. There are mornings when I don't have time to 'check my chin', and I am always conscience of what people can see. Then this moron on our local radio station goes and asks the question of whether it is publicly acceptable to say to a lady, 'hey, do you know you have a beard?'

Well buddy, this women no doubt knows that she has what you call a beard, and she is probably already very self conscience of that fact. And douches like you saying this in a public medium is just uncalled for, your laughing and ridicule of the women was also uncalled for.

I was fuming after hearing this and it really shook me today.

Couple that with starting my treatment regime for PCOS yesterday and I am just a ball of bubbling emotions. I am on the pill for the next 3 months along with a few other medications to try and set my cycles right and get my hormones in check.  But I still feel in the dark about a lot of things. I had wanted to try for another baby this year too, but that doesn't look like it is on the cards either.

This post probably doesn't make much sense, but I needed to type out what is in my head at the moment in an effect to make sense of it all.

Do you think the douche of a radio announcer was out of line, or am I just overly sensitive today?

I am linking up with Jess for IBOT!

The doubt is creeping in

{found here}

I have 4 posts saved as drafts that need to be edited and just no ambition to actually do it.

They are giveaway/review posts they need to be done soon. But right now I have so much stuff on my plate that I decided I wouldn't blog today, but then I missed it so thought maybe I would just come and write some dribble. I am good at rambling, not saying much and all, just typing for the sake of typing.

I have so many blogging goals, and I am reaching some of them, but I still don't really know where I want to take this baby of mine. I love the community that I have become a part of. I love that I have met new people because of this blogging thing. But at the same time, I still feel like I don't fit in. But that is the story of my life, I have never really felt that I fitted in. Not funny enough, not tall enough, not slim enough (and now, nowhere near slim at all). You get the drift. So this week I am really doubting myself. I know why my head is like this though. I have just been so busy and not sleeping so it is starting to get to me.

Anyway, what have you been up to?

Have you been bitten by the procrastination bug like me?

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Who knows, I might even finish all the posts and schedule them so I don't have to think about them anymore!

I have nothing!

Nothing to say that is! Shock horror, I know. But I really just wanted to get the screen shot of me away from every ones blog rolls! Don't get me wrong, I love being on blog rolls. I just don't particularly like seeing my face there! So I figured I would just post some inane rambling with a pretty picture and be done with it!

So here, how about some puppies?

Found here

Everyone likes puppies right? Non! How about some kittens??

found here

Not an animal lover. Well here are some flowers!

Happy Monday!

3 and a half days down...

I'd rather be here!

and 3 and a half days to go!

B had to go away for work last Friday. He doesn't get back till Friday night this week and let me tell you I want him home now!

Things were going great guns until this morning. The house has been cleaner (thus confirming my suspicions that he does create a lot of mess, even though he denies it!), we have had no fights between Caden and him over what they are going to watch on TV, I have even had way more room in the bed when the kids inevitably climb in to join me. But I have been grossly outnumbered, 3 to 1. Ethan has been waking more at night and I can't just ask B to help with this, so I am TIRED!

But back to this morning. I was woken by the garbage truck. Then came to the quick realisation that I forgot to put the bins out! So out Caden and I dashed to put both bins out and then I discovered it was the recycling truck which usually comes in the afternoon, so I have everything crossed that it has switched routes with the normal rubbish and it comes this afternoon or I am stuffed, that bin is FULL and STINKY! Oh and I should also mention that I was wearing my bright pink Elmo pjs and really bad bed hair! I apologies to my neighbours for that sight!

Fast forward about half and hr and I was putting on a load of washing when I heard something smash in the kitchen. Caden had left a cupboard open and Ethan helped him self to some bowls... lets just say the bowls didn't make it.

Then we have the fact that when I went to hang out the washing there is a family of magpies hanging out on my clothes line... That load is now drying on my airer inside! I really don't feel like getting swooped today.

Caden and Mahli have also been annoying each other so so much today and if I hear one of them scream followed by the other one saying it was an accident again, I think I will be the one screaming!

And just to top it off I just got Ethan up from his nap where he has taken of his nappy and peed right through the cot! So another load of washing to be done today and no clothes line to hang it on unless the peksy magpies fly away.

So as I said 3 and a half days until I can get a break, that is unless I go crazy before hand. Please let the day get better. The last three days have been really good! Can't it just be like that again??? Please.

I bow down to all single parents and those of you that hubby's work away! B does shift work (a day/night roster) and that is bad enough for me.
 
{image source: weheartit}

Mixed feelings

I have just returned from kindy drop off... I was thankful last week that not much fazes Caden, but it seems I spoke to soon. My poor little fella is hurting and I don't know why or how to fix it. This morning he didn't want to go to kindy, he kept putting it off.  But we got there. I left Ethan and Mahli with my Mum so I could have some one on one time with him, but when we got there he was extremely quiet and not really interested in being there. We did a few things together and then he disappeared behind the chubby house they have there and looked like he was about to cry, his eyes where welling up... I asked him what was up and tried to stay calm and casual but inside I was hurting for the little guy... He simply told me that he didn't know... I distracted him by getting him to show me his kindy work book and then left him with the Teachers Assistant and they went off to play with play doh. I just rang and checked and apparently he is fine and laughing whilst eating his morning tea..

I know a few things happened last week with a birthday party and him not being invited, but apart from that everything seemed fine. I even spoke to his teacher last week to see how he was going and she told me everything is fine, he has lots of friends and is coming along in leaps and bounds... 

Okay I am just rambling now, but needed to type this out to try and sort through what I am going to do for the little dude. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

 

Is it the weekend already???

I have had a jam packed week, but it feels like it was Sunday like yesterday! I am ashamed to say I haven't finished my linen cupboard re-vamp {sad face}. You see baby E has been teething all week. So when I haven't been at work I have had a screaming baby on me knee. This week off teething has been all new to me. You may be thinking hang on a minute you already have three kids. How can teething be new to you??? Well I have been blessed with two older children that just woke up one day with a new tooth. No evidence of one popping up and then suddenly it was there. I am so thankful for that as this week has been hell!!! Here is hoping the others don't cause him this much grief.

So first on my to-do list for next week will be the linen cupboard! That is after I go to work for 3 hrs on Monday morning. I completely forgot I had work and my mum reminded me this morning. Thanks Mum I was happy in my dreaming of no work until next Saturday! And looking for to my trip to Brisbane kid free in between!

Well enough of my rambling. I have a roast dinner to check on! Happy weekend everyone!