Pressure

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I put so much pressure on myself to get things done, to get things right. And then I beat myself up so so much when things don't work out the way I had planned.

I have talked a lot lately about how I am just not coping with things. I do good at hiding it from those around me though. B has no idea just how far I have slid...

The unknown of everything around me is just doing my head in. I went to the doctors the other day to have a chat about my PCOS and the possibility of try to conceive sooner rather than later. We discussed my options and have scaled back some of the medication and am going to cease the pill in the next few months. But I am scared that the scaling back of the other medication is going to make my symptoms worse. I had really bad cystic acne a few months ago, it was painful and humiliating. I am scared that it is going to come back.

One of the reasons that I have been hiding my fears and just how much I am not coping from B is because he was hesitant to have another child because of my post natal depression. He never wants me to go back to the place that I was in. And I don't either...

There is a lot I can't talk about here, it involves other people. And that makes it hard for me too. There I things I need to say, but I can't. Things I want to say, but I worry about how others will perceive them.

You can probably tell from this post that I can't get my head straight, because my words probably don't make much sense. But as I type this I am starting to see what I need to do and where I need to go to from here.