Long time, no see...

Wow, I opened my emails this morning to find one about this here blog so I thought I should open it up and low and behold I find out that I haven't posted a single thing on it in over 18 months! And hasn't life changed a lot in those 18 months.

The biggest change would be that we are now a family of SEVEN as we welcomed baby number 5 into our family in November 2017.

But honestly, I never meant for the blog to sit unused for so long, life just got really really busy and I guess it just slipped away from my list of priorities.

But I think 2018 will be the year when I get back into it all. It will be a year of big change for us all and I can't wait to share it with you all.

My Happy Place

So todays prompt was where do you go to clear your head? Well I don't really go anywhere, I simply pick up my crochet hook. This is only a reasonably recent thing for me and it works really well because it allows me to clear my head and not actually have to leave the house. Which at this time in my life it tricky at times. 

So how do you clear your head? 

One word

{image via we heart it} 

So I'm jumping on this one word bandwagon instead of having new years resolutions for this year.

I've decided my word is BE.

Be present
Be accountable
Be happy
Be healthy
Be grateful


Did you pick a word for 2015?

Rundown...

That's how I feel right now. Just spent, I could sleep for a week and I don't think that it would do me any good.

I need the sun and some time spent outdoors, but it is just already so so hot. You can feel the heat at 7:45am as we are walking to school, the sun just beating down and burning us already. What I really need is some sea and salt water, but we won't get to do that until after Christmas.

So much stuff has been going on in the background here and I haven't been able to share most of it, so I just haven't been writing at all. But I miss it here, I miss those of you that pop in and comment here. But again, I just can't share most of it.

There are work related frustrations, my PCOS is kicking my ass again, family stuff, landlord stuff... the list just goes on.

I know everyone has their own dramas to deal with and I know life is hard for a lot of people a lot of the time. My life is just making me eternally cranky and I need to take a step back and just breathe. I need time to get my health and energy levels back to normal but I just can't find the time. Throw in a demanding three year old whose only way of expressing himself lately is screaming at me and well I feel like I might just lose my mind any second.

Every since my battle with post natal depression I have been more aware of my moods and what they mean for me. I can feel myself slipping quick. I just hope I can stop myself, and bring myself back from the brink...

I read something, somewhere yesterday that motherhood and exhaustion go hand in hand. I think that's true, but it can't be the only way.

What do you do to lift your moods? Do you think motherhood and exhaustion go hand in hand?

Stitching is good for the soul

I've been one great big ball of stress and tension this last few weeks. I can feel it in my head, neck and right down to my soul.

I've been short with the kids and just a big ball of cranky. We have a lot going on at the moment and that is contributing to my moods. But what has been calming me down is being creative.

It always does. But this is a new way of being creative for me, I am only knew to stitching.

I have been working on my kits that I bought myself back in January..

The act of stitching is calming, it's slow, repetitive. Up, down. In and out. It's slows my mind and calms my thoughts.

It's just perfect for me at the moment.

What calms you down and clears you head?

What have we done?

This week has been a long one. It was the first time since we have been here that I have felt so far away from home. I've felt anxious about everything we have done and just have far we have moved the kids.

I will be fine though, I know those feelings are perfectly natural, I mean we did just move our family from one side of Australia to the other.

The kids are doing great here though. Mahli has grown so much in the past month, she speaks more freely to people and isn't as shy. Same with Caden. There are loads of things for the, to do here too and they can't wait until school starts.

And I am sure that once school starts and we get into mover of a routine that things will be better for me too.

The post about knees...

I came to a realisation this morning, things that used to weigh on my mind just don't any more. This is going to sound oh so stupid, but I hate my knees, always have. Even when I was a size 8 skinny minnie. For as long as I can remember I have hated my knees, I am talking way back to primary school hatred of my knees. But while I still hate my knees, I just don't care if people see them anymore.

The weather is turning warmer here in Queensland and dresses and shorts are coming back out of the wardrobe. I put on a new dress this morning, I didn't realise that it was as short as it is and went to put on a pair of leggings under in, but it would just be to hot today for leggings, so I didn't.  Yes, you heard right people, TOO HOT today to wear leggings. Winter is now over in Queensland!

I just realised how bad Ethan mirror needs cleaning, I only did it last week...

So I ventured out on the school run this morning and too the shops with my knees exposed and it felt good. Whilst I would still love to lose the excess weight that is hanging around, I have decided that it is still my body and that I need to feel comfortable in it, exposed knees and all! 

Do you have a body part that you just don't like? Do you try to cover them up?

Pressure

image source

I put so much pressure on myself to get things done, to get things right. And then I beat myself up so so much when things don't work out the way I had planned.

I have talked a lot lately about how I am just not coping with things. I do good at hiding it from those around me though. B has no idea just how far I have slid...

The unknown of everything around me is just doing my head in. I went to the doctors the other day to have a chat about my PCOS and the possibility of try to conceive sooner rather than later. We discussed my options and have scaled back some of the medication and am going to cease the pill in the next few months. But I am scared that the scaling back of the other medication is going to make my symptoms worse. I had really bad cystic acne a few months ago, it was painful and humiliating. I am scared that it is going to come back.

One of the reasons that I have been hiding my fears and just how much I am not coping from B is because he was hesitant to have another child because of my post natal depression. He never wants me to go back to the place that I was in. And I don't either...

There is a lot I can't talk about here, it involves other people. And that makes it hard for me too. There I things I need to say, but I can't. Things I want to say, but I worry about how others will perceive them.

You can probably tell from this post that I can't get my head straight, because my words probably don't make much sense. But as I type this I am starting to see what I need to do and where I need to go to from here.

Sinking

This week has just been a long long week and I have felt like I have been chasing my tail the whole time. If you walked into my house at the moment you would probably declare it a bio-hazard and high tail it out of here quick smart.

I just can't seem to say on top of things at the moment and it has a flow on effect to my moods. Really the house looks how my head feels.  This week didn't start off well with my return to work discussions and then B ended up working some really long days which seen him come home and fall asleep pretty much instantly so I haven't been able to talk to him about any of the 'stuff' that is going on.

I am also almost at the end of my first 3 months of treatment for PCOS. Some things have improved, but some not so much. I am due to go back to the doctors in 2 weeks so we can re-asses some things, but again I want to talk to B about it all and we just haven't been able to get any down time to actually talk about it all.

Hopefully the weekend brings us all some rest and relaxation so I can start next week off with a better frame of mind.

How to cope when you fell like you just can't keep your head above water? (You do feel like that occasionally, right?! It is completely normal???)

{image source}

So I want to be a 50's housewife...

You might remember my D-day post a few weeks ago, and if you don't it was simply about the fact that I had to make a decision as to what I am going to do work wise. Well I tried to discuss and negotiate my return to work with them yesterday (it was probably our 4th discussion because they hadn't offered me anything at all) Anyway it did not go well and I ended up coming home and crying (it is what I do when I get angry...)

I wanted to be able to work around the kids schooling hours so that I could be home and available to the kids most of the time. I wanted to have to only have to find care for Ethan and not Ethan and Mahli...

I want time to actually have a clean and organised house without loosing huge amounts of sleep. Because even with just two children and working full time before Ethan's birth I was always tired and run down while trying to stay on top of things.

Really I would like to be able to stay home full time, but I can't.  I want time to sew, knit and create too, but I can't.

I want to be able to go to school assemblies and performances. I want to be there for sports days, and when Ethan is older I want to be able to help out in their classes. If I was working the hours I previously was I just wouldn't be able to do that.

Part of this is because my mother wasn't able to do that for us. She worked from a long as I can remember. When I was little it was okay because she worked for my grandparents in the family business, but they sold up and moved when I was 9. I used to get myself ready in the morning along with my brother and we would go off school by ourselves and then come home to an empty house. We would only be home by ourselves for an hour, but still we came home to an empty house.

I don't begrudge my Mum for that. She had to work so that we could have all the things that we did. But I don't want that for my kids. I want to be accessible to them.

I want to put aside any thoughts for a career for the foreseeable future.

I just want to be a home maker and do all that it entails. I just feel like that is the right thing for us and me in particular at this point in time. If only I actually could.

I am linking up with Jess for IBOT

Where in The World is Amy?

I am linking up with Trish from My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday

D-Day

This image has nothing to do with this post, peonies just make me happy!

So tomorrow is D-Day for when I have to confirm with work my intentions once my maternity leave ends next month. I have been working a bit lately, but that has just been casual work whilst I have been on maternity leave, nothing over 14 hours a week, usually only doing 8-10 hours.

I went to work yesterday and worked from 730-530 and when I got home the kids told me I was in trouble for working so long. It seems I'm not the only one struggling with the fact that I will be returning to work permanently again soon. The two eldest have told me that they miss me too much when I am gone and that I am not allowed to work...

Good one kids, you sure do know how to pull on your Mothers heart strings now don't you?!

So, there seems to be two options that I need to choose from:

1. Do I want to not have to worry about and plan for bills and increase our savings faster? or
2. Do I want to continue to budget and plan down to the last cent of our income, whilst stay home and being accessible to the kids 100% of the time?

What would you choose? And don't worry, I know you can't answer it for me, I just needed to type these thoughts out in an effort to make them clearer in my mind...


{image via here}

Why I do reviews and giveaways

There is always a little mumble going on in the blogosphere about whether people love or hate reviews,  giveaways and advertising on blogs. Today I wanted to share why I choose to do them.

First off, I just want to say why I do blog. I blog for connection to the world outside my role as a (mostly) stay at home Mum. It can get pretty lonely at home day in, day out, with only children 5 years old and under to talk to. Also until very recently, B worked a rotating day/night roster which meant many a nights where I just couldn't sleep and I ended up turning to blogs to feel connected to people outside of my home. That is where the seed was planted for me to start my own.

My blog is also a place for me to share what I am sewing, baking, making and thinking. I did not start blogging to make money or receive free stuff. I didn't even know you could actually make anything or receive anything for blogging until a few months after starting this blog. And you know what, the little bit of money and 'free' stuff has meant that I haven't had to return to work in the same capacity that I did before I had Ethan. 

Sure I don't make a motza from this gig, but a couple of bucks a week to share my inane ramblings is better than nothing. It doesn't devalue what I have to say, everything written here is my opinion, thoughts and I stand behind it 100%. Sure there was the time I wrote about some Vaseline Moisturiser and then thought why the hell am I writing this. The product costs less then $10, my time and yours is more valuable than that and from then on I have changed my rules. I still stand by what I wrote in the review, but if I had my time over, I wouldn't write it again.

I will continue to review DVDs, magazine, households items and anything else that I think I might find useful in my home and that I think you could too. I hope to be able to run giveaways along side most reviews so that I can give you a chance to win something. It is a way for me to say thank you for the time you spend reading and commenting here.

I will also continue to run advertising on the blog. I know this seems to be a bug bear with some people, but again, I really don't see how it detracts from anything else here. This is my blog and these are my words. No advertising will change that.

Does that make sense?

So do you like or loathe advertising, reviews and giveaways on blogs? Please be honest, I would love to know your thoughts and opinions.

I am linking up with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.

I think I need to get a new t-shirt

and it will simply say I have PCOS...

I am a bit sensitive this morning after working a fair bit in the last few days. I work in the customer service area as a supervisor and well that role means I deal with a lot of people every shift. Be that other staff and the many many customers that come through the doors. It also means that I feel increasingly self conscience when someone zeros in on the huge zit that has just erupted from my jaw line, or the stray hair that I missed in a plucking session before going to work.

Try as I might a lot of my symptoms are visible to the outside world, but they are also symptoms that are viewed as  'ugly' by the world. Which makes my anxiety about the issues so much worse.

I have felt very very anxious about my facial hair and acne lately. On the school run, at work, even just talking to friends. Most of them don't know that I do have PCOS and that currently my symptoms are pretty bad even though I am treating them. You might also remember my post from a few weeks ago about the radio announcers ridiculing the women with a 'beard', well that is still playing on my mind too. Do people say that about me when I am not around. Have I missed that stray hair this morning? What exactly do they see when they look at me?

It is just a none stop circle of thoughts going around and around in my head. I wish I knew how to stop it but I don't...

Where In The Word is Amy?

 An easy one for today :P

I am linking up with Trish from My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday

McFatty Monday {with linky}

It has been a few weeks since I posted a McFatty Monday post. I needed to get my head around the PCOS diagnoses. Whilst my head is still spinning from it, I now feel confident that I can deal with whatever this means for me.

I am just over two weeks into my medication and I am seeing some improvements already. They are only small, but that are noticeable to me.

My PCOS diagnoses also means that it is even more important for me to shift this weight. It also means that it might be harder for me then what it is for most people to lose weight. But I feel confident that I can do this.

Truthfully, exercise has taken a back seat lately, you might have noticed that I haven't been in a very good head space that last few weeks and was only doing the basics in my day to day life. But last week I kind of hit my stride. I got most of the house organised, I got on top of chores, hell, I have even scheduled some blog posts for both here and over at And Sew We Craft.

Here's hoping I can keep this up!

So this week the plan is:

• 8 glasses of water a day- minimum
• Bed by 10pm every night (might be hard on Tuesday as I am working at wont get home until 930pm)
• 3 times cardio exercise
• 2x core/ toning exercise

 So what about you, what are you doing to take care of yourself this week?

As always if you have posted about healthy living/weight loss recently, please link up below and I will pop over and visit.

Where in The World is Amy?

I am linking up with Trish from My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday

Where in The World is Amy?

I am linking up with Trish from My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday

Brain Dump

I am having one of those days. A teary kind of day. I just feel overwhelmed with everything and I have a thousand thoughts going through my head.

The day started off okay, then as I was driving the kids to school the stupid radio announcer started talking about a lady he met yesterday. He started by saying that he had a lovely chat with her, but couldn't keep his eyes of something. His female co-host said, what her breasts? He said no, nothing like that. He than went on to say that she was in her late 20's and had a beard... Not just a stray hair here or there, but a beard.

Now this subject is touchy for me, especially at the moment. With the PCOS diagnosis so clear in my mind, I now have a reason for my 'beard', and my daily plucking regime. But I am always concise of my chin and the fact that I have hair where there just isn't supposed to be on a women. There are mornings when I don't have time to 'check my chin', and I am always conscience of what people can see. Then this moron on our local radio station goes and asks the question of whether it is publicly acceptable to say to a lady, 'hey, do you know you have a beard?'

Well buddy, this women no doubt knows that she has what you call a beard, and she is probably already very self conscience of that fact. And douches like you saying this in a public medium is just uncalled for, your laughing and ridicule of the women was also uncalled for.

I was fuming after hearing this and it really shook me today.

Couple that with starting my treatment regime for PCOS yesterday and I am just a ball of bubbling emotions. I am on the pill for the next 3 months along with a few other medications to try and set my cycles right and get my hormones in check.  But I still feel in the dark about a lot of things. I had wanted to try for another baby this year too, but that doesn't look like it is on the cards either.

This post probably doesn't make much sense, but I needed to type out what is in my head at the moment in an effect to make sense of it all.

Do you think the douche of a radio announcer was out of line, or am I just overly sensitive today?

I am linking up with Jess for IBOT!

Woe is me

{Image credit}

I am feeling very woe is me today. Don't get me wrong, parts of today were pretty good. Mahli and I spent some time together, just the two of us. We were running errands, but it was still good to just be us and I got to give her my full attention. I really need to make more time to do that with each of the kids.

But the woe part comes in after dealing with a very very screamy (it so is a word!) Ethan this afternoon. That boy knows how to use his lungs when he wants to demand something.

Couple his demanding toddler behaviour with more test results back today and my head is in overdrive. The diagnoses of PCOS has been confirmed, but I don't feel relief from that. I am so confused as to what that actually means. There is so much information out there and I just don't know where to start. I am seeing my doctor again on Monday and hope to be armed with questions for her so hopefully my head slows down a bit. It is in my nature to just over think everything and that isn't doing me any favours at the moment.

Do you over think every little thing? What do you do to stop that?