The Black Dog came to visit today...

And no I am not talking about my Black Labrador Angus. This is a mean dog that shows no mercy. He invades my head and is relentless. He is still here even though I have been begging him to go. I knew he would be visiting soon. I have felt the build up of his visiting coming for days, I tried my best to keep him away, but alas it did no good.

The problem with mental illness is that it is an invisble illness. No-one can see that you are sick from the outside. We depressives are good at putting on fake smiles, but sometimes faking it only makes our down days worse. I have been that good at faking it it seems that B had no idea today was coming even though I have spent that last two days telling him it was going to happen. That I could feel it building... He wants me to go back on my meds. I don't! I want to try another way. I hate medicating myself to the eyeballs and so does my body. You can tell by just looking at me. We you should be able to anyway! I thought you could until someone I hadn't seen in a while told me two days ago that I looked great... Yeah I look smashing alright. My hair is slowly falling out and one of the drugs made to stop losing weight and start gaining it!!! And now it just won't budge. And I am telling you IT NEEDS TO BUDGE! I have 30kgs to lose.. there I said it. I need to lose a WHOLE 30kgs!

Well that is all for today. Just because the Black Dog is visiting doesn't mean my life can stop. I still have 3 kids to look after and one of them is in need of some dinner.

Wish me luck!